First love. Then accept. Then know. We mostly do this backwards.
We get to know another person and then decide if we accept them. Finally, we decide if they are ‘worthy’ of our love. No wonder so many of us feel unworthy.
Let’s flip that around.
You get a call that your daughter has done something and you must go to the school. First, love your daughter, no strings attached. No matter what she has done, love her. Accept her for where she is at that moment, even if it is a place you would rather her not be, now or ever. Then with that love and acceptance, go to the meeting and know her. Know what she did. Be curious about what was going on, why it seemed like a good idea or the only option at that moment.
Whatever the act, hitting another child or stealing the classroom hamster (my daughter did that in kindergarten… she was sooo in love!) love her and accept her. She needs your love and acceptance of who she is in this moment. She needs to know that her behaviour does not define her. This will allow her to feel safe in acknowledging the behaviour as needing correcting. She is a worthy human being who made a mistake and can take responsibility for it and learn and grow.
By the way, the same works for a stranger.